Attachment parenting
Attachment parenting might seem like just another nonsense modern trend, the opposite is true though. Long before strollers were invented and we started putting babies in cots, attachment parenting was something completely natural and in most countries of the world it still is (South America, Africa, Asia), it's just called parenting. What are the principles of attachment parenting and why can we raise our child differently?
What is attachment parenting
The goal of attachment parenting is to gain a stronger bond between mother and child that is based on greater physical contact and touch, empathy on the mother's part and the ability to respond to her child's needs. This parenting style is based on human nature and doesn't imply that it's wrong unless the mother follows all the defined principles. It all depends on how the mother and child have it arranged so that they're both comfortable.
Principles of attachment parenting
Bonding after childbirth
Bonding with the baby is crucial immediately after childbirth. This does not necessarily mean that when it didn't happen, e.g. due to an emergency or planned C-section, all is lost (luckily, nowadays it's more and more common that maternity hospitals allow bonding after a Caesarean, alternatively bonding with the dad). Bonding can also be made up for in the following days, when the mum puts the baby on her naked body and lets it find her breast and latch on. Then they lie together, start getting to know each other, tuning in to each other
Breastfeeding on demand
Nursing whenever your baby signals its hungry should be completely normal. Unfortunately, a lot of maternity hospitals, despite claiming they encourage breastfeeding, insist on breastfeeding at set intervals, plus weighing before and after breastfeeding. Yet not all babies drink enough millilitres of milk to sleep for three hours and then wake up to drink sufficiently again.
It's completely natural when a baby drinks less and requires more frequent intervals or doesn't drink at all and just latches on the breast for safety and comfort (often mums see no weight gain which makes them nervous that the baby is not thriving). That's why you should nurse whenever the baby demands it.
Co-sleeping
There is nothing more natural than when the whole family sleeps together. Only very few people like to fall asleep and sleep alone. Sure, there are children that need their space and a quiet room. This can be achieved even if you sleep in one large bed or have a cot without one sideboard attached to your double bed.
Co-sleeping makes breastfeeding at night easier, as the mum no longer has to keep getting out of the bed and wake up so often, and rather just hold the baby close to her while lying down and feed the half-sleeping baby, which falls back asleep after a while. As long as you enjoy co-sleeping, keep doing it. If the baby is comfortable in a crib with all four siderails, that's perfectly fine too. Alternatively, you can put the baby to sleep in their cot and take it to your bed for the second half of the night. Believe in your maternal instinct.
A child always cries for a reason
A baby cannot cry to manipulate you, crying is their only means of communication to express that he/she needs something. Crying also doesn't necessarily indicate a tummy ache or a full nappy.
Tuning in to the baby's needs
Whether it is feeding or excretion, as long as the mother is observant towards the baby and able to become more in tune with it, then she has no problem fulfilling the needs that the baby asks for. The child will be much calmer and happier knowing his mummy is paying attention to him and not neglecting his current needs. She won't let him cry it off just because it will make him more independent and sleep better. Yes, it may be a challenging period, but you'll see that your child will thank you later because he/she will know that you love them unconditionally.
Elimination communication
The so-called elimination communication is relevant to our previous point, i.e. the mother is in-tune with the baby and knows when it needs to pee or poop according to the baby's signals. This method works amazingly against tummy aches and will also help you reduce your diaper consumption tremendously.
Baby-wearing
Baby-wearing contributes greatly to strengthening the bond between mother and child. The release of hormones supports breast milk production and helps the child adapting better to the world. In case your baby cries in the stroller or he/she has an older sibling, who needs your attention too, wearing your little one will make it much easier for you to function inside and outside the home. And don't worry, baby-wearing really won't spoil your baby.
Physical contact
Contact doesn't only mean wearing or nursing, but also massaging the infant, which is very beneficial for easier falling asleep or during tummy aches. Whenever you feel like it, touch your baby, cuddle with it, give them a loving hug, even if they are upset or angry.
The child does not come first
It might seem that attachment parenting fully prioritizes the needs of the child and ignores the parents. No, even mums need to recharge and enjoy doing the things they love and find fulfilling. Whether it's a massage, yoga a cup of freshly brewed coffee, knitting or a walk through the forest. Recharging your batteries on maternity leave is possible in a number of different ways, and when the mum has support from other family members, then she should make use of it whenever she needs it (babysitting, house cleaning). Optionally, it is always possible to recharge your batteries when the child is asleep, the clean-up can surely wait. The most important thing is family harmony and avoiding putting your partner on the back burner. Even the relationship between the parents needs to be constantly worked on so that everyone including their children can function together in harmony.
Internal boundaries
Setting internal boundaries is very important for both parents and their children. These borderlines allow for mutually respectful behaviour without any punishment. This way, the child will not become spoiled and unbearable, nor will it make sure to do whatever you want just out of fear of you. Besides, these boundaries will make them more confident in life because they will know where they lie and what they can or cannot dare to do.
When parents do not follow all the principles of attachment parenting, it certainly does not imply that they are not attachment parents at all. Sometimes bonding simply cannot be done immediately after birth, mum can't breastfeed or wear her baby for health reasons, but that's fine. Attachment parenting is about fulfilling the needs of the child whenever it's needed, about mutual contact and unconditional love. Therefore, rely on your maternal intuition and even if the environment convinces you otherwise, do not let it discourage you. You will see that your child will grow up to be an empathetic, respectful and loving human being who is able to express his or her opinion and become a valuable member of society.
